Do my tricepts look small in this shirt?

I'm lighthearted once again on day three of my period (spotty, no cramps) gives me new clarity on life as the horns have retreated back into my skull secretly covered by my hair until next month; when I will crawl back into the bitch cave and feel sorry for myself.

Why do women always nag men?

"Do these jeans make my butt look big"?

"Do you think that waitress is pretty"?

"Do you like me as much as you did 4 minutes ago when I asked you last"?

"If I gained 387 pounds, would you still want to have sex with me"?

Does a guy ever say to a girl: "Does this shirt make my tricepts look small"?

It's unfair to put a guy through this twisted mind screw.

Bottom line, guys don't express themselves because they are simple creatures.

They like you if they spend time with you. Once he is with you, don't ask him if he really, really, really likes you.

He's there.

He likes you on some level. Go with it already.

Guys also show their affection by putting up with us. We spend one complete week a month being moody, short tempered and needy. They also put up with the fact that they will get one week of NO real sex, dreading the verbal attacks.... and find us head first in a bag of chips with an empty ice cream pail next to the Midol while sobbing uncontrolably at a Hallmark commercial.


I contacted some of the closest males in my life asking for suggestions for a testosterone prospective. (I was fully expecting to hear "three feet tall, no teeth and a flat head to rest a beer on..." Here is the short list:

Learn to accept football
Don't wear a costume that requires a mustache
don't always leave him with the bill
Avoid celebrating every occasion and half anniversaries
don't own a dog that fits in your purse
don't doodle your first name and his last name
don't derail the "fun" train at week twelve and emerge in sweat pants
don't surprise him with short hair
And DON'T do any drunk dials no matter how tempting when you are out with your girlfriends.

Also don't buy clothes for him (You see them coming a mile away..the guy in the lime green sweater looking like he is going to cry, with "arm candy girl" at his side beaming while he is in his own cashmere hell.

Don't cling like a bad rash and don't stare at him while he sleeps. That's just plain creepy. (P.S. Your Psycho)

My tip to girls: Never be the wild woman you are in the sack right off the bat. Hold the missionary position for as long as you can without falling asleep, and when he suggests flippping you over, say your "embarressed, scared or you feel dirty"... (Hide the fuzzy handcuffs, gadgets, lotions, and gizmos until later telling him they are "new")

Recycle those old moves later.