Jennifer Mee tormented by hiccups, now by media

Brittany Spears shaves her head.

Ok, I work hard all day to get media attention for my PR clients.

Hours of hard work, press release writing, send-outs, tweaking, editing, making contacts, calling, follow-ups, writing, hounding editors, TV and radio station pitches....

Little did I know it didn't have to be so hard. All I had to do was learn the art of an "Irritainment" (annoying entertainment spectacles we can't stop watching)

A girl gets a bad case of the hic-ups and lands her chunky ass on the Today Show, Ellen Degerenes, and apparently is now being sought after from all four corners of the world. She and her mother were flown first class to NYC, put up in a five star hotel for 5 days, because she has the hiccups.

Brittany shaves her head on You-Tube. Anna has five potential fathers for her baby (who clearly only looks like one of them. I bet my right arm on the photog with the baby-blues. The Lawyer has ladies hands, the others are old)

Hugh Grant retires and un-retires.

Tom Cruise finally gets someone knocked up and Donald Trump calls Rosie a fat pig.

Each is all over the media. Careers sky-rocket. Free.

Ok, so nobody called me to be on TV when I was constipated for 10 days and I'm a little miffed about it.I mean think about it. TEN DAYS!! I weigh 117. Ten days of poop weighs half of that.

The doctors I worked with took an X-ray to shut me up after complaining of stomach "pains" for 2 weeks while moaning and groaning around the office. All five doc's doubled over laughing when they saw the film, handing me a roll of toilet paper and a can of air freshener. I was mortified.

Did you see the media running headlines "Suburban woman's colon blocked to clavicle; lives to tell about it"

Can you see me on Regis & Kelly, perched uncomfortably sideways on a stool wearing elastic pants while Regis flashes my amazing X-ray on the screen behind him, audience shrieking, covering their face in horror? NO. What.... my medical event isn't news worthy enough?

Or how about the time I was passing blood clots the size of canned hams with a 21 day long period.

No calls. Notta.

Or the unexplained low grade fever I had for seven years? No joke. Seriously. 99.9.

Seven freakin years.

Forget submitting to editors, writing flawless media pitches for hours over cups of cold coffee...banging away until three in the morning..becoming a "mouse potato".

I'll tell my clients to do something gross abnormal or shocking. Quick and cheap.