"Romance for most men is sex and recreation; for women it's affection, conversation and time alone with the one they love. When all four come together, your chances of staying together are high." - Steven Smith, author of LOVE BUSTERS.
Ok -so this guy totally GETS It. I can be a total bitch about this topic, ask my boyfriend, bless his little hair gelled heart, but after seeing so many failed relationships around me, including a few of my own, I think this author has a point.
Here is what he wrote today in a newsletter -
To stay together forever, follow the policy of regular undivided attention.
By: S Smith
Women leave men at double the rate of men leaving women. Want to know why guys? Main reason?
Neglect. Unbalanced attention in other places. Work. Kids. TV. These include both emotional abandonment and physical abandonment.
At the start, spending time alone with each other was your highest priority. You probably spent the majority of your leisure time together, planning and plotting the next meet-up,and the time you spent together was probably the most enjoyable part of every week. Days seemed like weeks, weeks seemed like months.
Privacy
The time you plan to be together should not include children (who are awake). Establish privacy so that you are better able to give each other your undivided attention. It is essential for you as a couple to spend time alone even with kids in the home. When you have time alone, you have a much greater opportunity to make a n emotional bank deposit. Without privacy, undivided attention is almost impossible, and without undivided attention, you are not likely to meet some of each others most important emotional needs for regular intimacy.
First, I recommend that you learn to be together with and without your children when they are there. This sends a good signal to the children that the world does not revolve around them when they are home, and it is fantastic for them to "see" you going on a date. This can be very difficult for many couples, especially when children are very young or you are in a divorce situation. Don't let divorce guilt set in. Be balanced with time when they are there, get a sitter, it's OK. Most parents don't want to think that their own children interfere with their privacy. To them, an evening with their children is privacy. Not so. Balance it out.
While we all know know they can't make love with children around, the presence of children prevents much more than sex, which is key to a relationship. When children are present, they interfere with affection and intimate conversation, adult topics, working out disagreements and not being interrupted. Another relationship killer. These are very vital needs to keep a relationship alive. Uninterrupted conversation.
This may mean that after everything has been scheduled, there is little time left for friends and relatives sometimes. If that's the case, you're too busy or wasting time in other areas of your life, but at least you will not be sacrificing your love for each other. The bedroom is not a playroom, or TV room, it's your space. keep it relaxing and special.
Third, I recommend that you understand what giving undivided attention means.
Your time together is too important to the security of your relationship to neglect. It's more important than time spent doing anything else during the week, including time with your children and your job. Yes that's right, children or work! Most couples don't get this and the guilt sets in. Life without love is no life at all. Happy couples are the core to happy children - spoiled children are the core to miserable adults. So, better together and fulfilled taking time for love and kids, than alone never showing your kids that you share your time. To help you plan your week with each others emotional needs in mind, I encourage you to meet or talk weekly to look over each others schedule for the coming month. Plan and stick to the dates.
It says and shows "we are important to me."
